


Without You

by BlueFishyLove



Category: NCT (Band), Without You - NCT U (Music Video)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, kinda vague, stories alternate between paragraphs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 13:54:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17509844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueFishyLove/pseuds/BlueFishyLove
Summary: Jaehyun can't live without Taeyong and vice versa. Sicheng lost a piece of him and so he wants it back. Yuta is most definitely that piece.





	Without You

**Author's Note:**

> First NCT fic and probably last....but you never know [bestie loves them so...meh]  
> Ages are not relevant in this but Yuta and Taeyong remain older than Jaehyun and 2win. 

Like being swept in the waves  
Like wandering in the sea  
I’m growing tired  
But I still can’t see the paradise

You are the courage  
That gives me strength to live again  
I will believe in you because  
You will lend me your shoulder and empathize with me

-  
Jaehyun was playing with his fingers absentmindedly, staring at the hands of the clock move slowly. His mind drifting into memories and places of the past. He blinked his eyes slowly, reminding himself of the world in his present. He slowly turned his head to his right, staring at the empty seat next to him on the couch before turning his head the other way to do the same. A small sigh left his lips. There used to be another weight occupying the white furniture some time ago. Or maybe... some years ago. He still thought of the warmth the other body emitted when their skins touched and he still remembered the laughter leaving those plump lips. Laughter that made his days better on most, if not all, of the occasions that it was present. 

He closed his eyes. Laid his head on the back of the couch. He missed the other so much.

Keys were heard at the door but Jaehyun didn't move from his place. Keys meant that his roomate was back. His roomate was still not the one he wanted back in his arms. 

\--

Long fingers tapped the arm of the seat while Sicheng stared out of the window; the scenery was beautiful. It reminded him of him. He was as flawless as this scenery in his eyes, from his smile, his starpool eyes, to his cute square like lips with their natural hue of pastel pink. A smile broke on his lips and he softly bit at one end while he fought back the tears, they shouldn't fall, this battle was not over. 

Sicheng loved trains and that was their first common ground. They had started small, from model sharing and storytelling before their relationship grew more and with it so did their mutual hobby activities. Small became big and slowly they started planning trips around the country by train. Their latest shared dream was the under the sea train to Japan. They would do it. Sicheng was closer to materializing that dream than the other thought and maybe if he knew, Sicheng wouldn't be in their private wagon alone, looking at the fish and corals of the ocean around him. 

Trains were their common ground. They still are... Sicheng hopes the latter remembers and accepts the ticket back home. Back home with him. 

\---

Taeyong's eyes don't sparkle anymore. Not when he sees Jaehyun, nor when he talks to him. It's not that he isn't in love anymore, because he believes that he will never stop loving the younger for as long as he lives and breathes this air, but things have changed and the pain he is feeling is greater than the love most of the time. So Taeyong's eyes have lost their sparkle and he doesn't think he'll get it back anytime soon, or ever again; Jaehyun, even being his Jaehyun, isn't the same. 

He stirs a conversation about his day at work while eating lunch. He doesn't mind that Jaehyun is not paying attention to him, mostly because the younger has that serene smile on his lips which indicates that he is thinking about his boyfriend, so Taeyong himself feels like smiling but when he looks at the latter's eyes he can't help but feel betrayed and hurt. 

He knows it's not Jaehyun's fault but he just wishes for his luck to change. He knows that miracles can't happen, doctors have informed him of that already. He still can't help but hope. Usually he hopes for all the hours a day has but lately he is getting tired. 

Tired of pretending that everything is fine. Tired of not being recognized for who he is. Tired of all the memories lost, never to return. Not to him anyway. 

Not that he has lost them. Neither of them has and that's where things get complicated. They both share them. They both long for them. They both want them back, to continue, to blossom again, to exist. It's just that Taeyong doesn't exist. 

Not that he isn't real. He is as real as the next person. He is as real as you and me. It's just that Jaehyun doesn't recognize him. 

It's not that he doesn't know who Taeyong is, because he does. It's just that Taeyong is not himself; even when, in fact, he is.

And that is why Taeyong's eyes don't sparkle anymore. 

It's not because he is not in love. It's just because he is tired, tired of not being recognized by the one he loves. The one who loves him back. 

Jaehyun just... Jaehyun doesn't know... It's not Jaehyun's fault... The doctors have said... Taeyong knows... Taeyong knows... It just... It just hurts too much.

\----

Yuta stares at the aquarium in front of him and taps the glass everytime the little fish in it swim towards his finger. He is back at his family house in Japan. He hadn't told his parents the exact reason he has returned and that is probably because he is not sure either. The aquarium decorates half a wall of their living room and Yuta wonders how come he too hadn't become obsessed with fish, the sea and aquariums like his father and his sisters were. He remembers he was an odd ball when he was younger, liking trains always made him get weird looks; not only from his family. 

Japan is a country of weird though, and he didn't get to realize the feeling until after he left to study abroad. He would always remind himself that if you tell a Japanese resident that Japan is weird he would probably get offended or laugh at you, but from animations with monsters in your pockets, to clubs that handcuff you as you enter and stir cocktails with actual dildos, Japan is as weird as it gets and Yuta couldn't deny that anymore. 

He reminds himself to never even mention that club in front of his parents ever. He is going through a very stressful period of exams and his highschool friends don't know any better, or so he tells himself; helps him sleep at night. 

His finger twitches over the glass out of habit, only for him to be brought back to reality. He wonders what would have happened to his hobby of trains if he hadn't found that Chinese kid to share it with when he went abroad. He wonders if he would be straight, if he would have given up his love of trains for something like soccer. He wonders if the Chinese kid would have approached him even without the trains. 

He thinks back on all their memories together. He probably would... 

Then a tarnished memory comes up and it's accompanied by pain and tears and the fish stop being interesting enough, as his fingers run up his cheeks into his hairline and he grabs hard at his hair. 

He misses him and that makes things worse. It makes the pain intensify and the tears fall faster. 

\-----

 He dreams. But they are not dreams, they're memories. 

He sees him and he smiles. They are on a date and even though they get hard glances and hateful stares he doesn't care because they are together and they are in love. They enter an arcade and he already knows they will have a blast because the older loves arcades. He always says that arcades hold his child in check and Jaehyun laughs and maybe mocks him sometimes, but all with good intensions. 

They get food and ice cream and frosties. They buy a couple of things, like shirts and shoes and they don't care about the disgusted looks of the male employees or the gleeful ones from their female counterparts. They are in love and it's their love. One love for two and they are all they see. He knows, he is watching them from afar. 

Jaehyun wakes up with a bittersweet taste on his lips. The memory still fresh; he turns his head to find an empty spot at his left side in their bed. Reality calls him back and he looks to his right only to find his roommate sleeping, his head on his arms, hands on the bed, sitting on the floor beside it. Jaehyun wonders how his back doesn't hurt, he always sleeps like that and even though he finds it kinda (a lot) creepy, he doesn't say anything; there is a familiarity to this closeness that makes him calm. 

The empty spot will stay empty for more nights to come. It's because Jaehyun waits for him to come back... 

He looks out the window and he wonders where his other half might be and when he's coming back. He's been wondering the same for the past five years. Even though he is there... Even though he is there with him. Keeping him company and taking care of him. It's just that Jaehyun can't recognize him. 

\-------

He sees a girl and a boy pass him while running ahead of him. They are at a bridge and they play like children, tugging at each other, pulling and pushing. He remembers himself and Doyoung, the start of this whole misunderstanding. 

He was only happy to get help from a friend. Such a close friend. But the latter didn't know and Sicheng hates himself for never introducing them in the first place. He should know that even Seoul is too small of a place. He was an idiot for never bringing him up in conversations, too. Such a close friend. In his defense, he didn't get the chance to explain himself or to introduce them to each other. His phone calls were not answered, his video calls declined, his every means of contact taken away. 

He didn't bat an eyelash. When he learned the older left he knew what he had to do. He followed. 

He stares ahead of the bridge at the metro station infront and opens his small booklet, searching desperately for the words in it and at the map in front of him. He hopes he won't get lost before reaching his destination. 

\--------

There are days when he doesn't want to move. He doesn't want to speak or hear or breathe. There are days when he doesn't want to exist. 

Jaehyun is staring at their photos again. He sees. He knows. It's them. Both of them. He recognizes the person in the pictures as his boyfriend but for him it still isn't Taeyong. 

Taeyong wishes to disappear on days like these. Days when the younger shares his memories. Memories of love, of anger, of mischief, of maturity, of childishness. Memories of them. Memories of their love. Memories they have both lived and they both remember. But Taeyong can't say anything back or agree or add. Taeyong, Jaehyun will say, can't know. He wasn't there. He isn't there. He doesn't exist. 

He does exist. Just not in those memories. 

He does exist. Just not in Jaehyun's memories. 

He does exist. It's not like the younger has forgotten him. It's just that Taeyong is not him. 

Taeyong, even though himself, is not the one Jaehyun remembers. 

\---------

Yuta stares at the bird in the cage, that's staring back at him. They've been having a little contest for a while now. The bird chirps every now and again, but Yuta won't have any of that. Yuta refuses to lose to a bird. 

He chuckles under his breath. He remembers having the same mindset towards the Chinese boy. He refused to lose to him, too. But then one day he lost and he never recovered. The laugh turns bitter and Yuta looks away from the bird. It doesn't count as a win for the animal because something obviously got in Yuta's eyes, nothing else would be able to explain the tears. 

Yuta lost his heart to a Chinese boy and he never got it back .

\----------

Jaehyun feels the blood drain from his face and even though he wants to say something, anything, he can't. Taeyong cries. 

Earlier there were apologies raining from Jaehyun's lips but now no words can be heard. Taeyong cries. 

Taeyong has thought of leaving because he is tired, but he can't. Jaehyun apologizes. 

Taeyong can't leave him alone. The love is too much, the pain is worse. Jaehyun just stares at him. 

Taeyong's eyes don't sparkle anymore, but now neither do Jaehyun's.

Jaehyun doesn't have to wait for him anymore. They found each other mid way. 

Jaehyun smiles as he sleeps, its bittersweet and now so does Taeyong.  

\-----------

Sicheng cries. He hasn't been this scared for most of his life until now. He got lost, he got lost in Japan. He tries calling one last time and he thanks all the gods he knows for Yuta picking up at last. He doesn't mind the yell he recieves even if he flinches when he hears it, he is just glad he gets to listen to the older's voice again and he hopes he won't hang up. 

He's lucky or maybe it's his tearful voice that stops Yuta from hanging up the phone. 

He doesn't lose time. He prefers to solve the misunderstanding between sobs and hiccups. He doesn't know how much credit he has in his phone before it dies on them and he prefers to be lost in Japan just so that said misunderstanding can end. 

Yuta interrupts him somewhere in the middle of his explaining and asks him if he is okay and what happened; Sicheng still tries to finish his explanation. He begs for forgiveness and he would fall on his knees in front of the older if he wasn't lost somewhere in Japan. 

Yuta has to scream to him that he forgives him. He does really because Sicheng sounds so distressed it's not even funny and he can hear japanese swear words in the background of their phone call and, in all honesty, it does sound like the younger to want to surprise him with tickets to an underwater train journey from Korea to Japan. 

Sicheng gives in and cries all the more about how lost he got himself to.....in Japan. Yuta chuckles. 

He is very worried and he will do anything to get his distressed guest back to his house safely but he laughs at how bad his boyfriend is with directions and... well, Japanese. 

The next time they see each other Yuta is smiling at a Sicheng staring in awe, tapping the glass of the aquarium they got in his living room. Yuta notes how innocent the other boy is and wonders how he could have misunderstood in such a way... Maybe it was his own fears eating at him. 

Sicheng smiles at him. Yuta smiles back. 

Yuta has accepted the ticket back to Korea and Sicheng is glowing. 

Yuta never understood the magic behind aquariums. But he thinks of buying a fishbowl if only to see Sicheng in such awe more often.  

**Author's Note:**

> This piece was written for a contest I took part in on aff, back in summer of 2016 but the author of the contest never actually, reviewed it or gave us (the participants) any disclosure.   
> The contest was for MV writting...which was given to the participants randomly, I ended up with Without You by NCT U.


End file.
